The Drunken Driver Has the Right Of Way

The Drunken Driver Has the Right Of Way
by Ethan Coen

The loudest have the final say,
The wanton win, the rash hold sway,
The realist's rules of order say
The drunken driver has the right of way.
The Kubla Khan can butt in line;
The biggest brute can take what's mine;
When heavyweights break wind, that's fine;
No matter what a judge might say,
The drunken driver has the right of way.
The guiltiest feel free of guilt;
Who care not, bloom; who worry, wilt;
Plans better laid are rarely built
For forethought seldom wins the day;
The drunken driver has the right of way.
The most attentive and unfailing
Carefulness is unavailing
Wheresoever fools are flailing;
Wisdom there is held at bay; The drunken driver has the right of way.
De jure is de facto's slave;
The most foolhardy beat the brave;
Brass routs restraint; low lies high's grave;
When conscience leads you, it's astray;
The drunken driver has the right of way.
It's only the naivest who'll
Deny this, that the reckless rule;
When facing an oncoming fool
The practiced and sagacious say
Watch out -- one side -- look sharp -- gang way.
However much you plan and pray,
Alas, alack, tant pis, oy vey,
Now -- heretofore -- til Judgment Day,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

Last lines suggested by Michael G.

Until that driver hits the gas;
Into a tree we see him crash.
That driving fool had self will galore;
Now he has the right of way no more!