I was glad to receive a message from you. My day is going well, thank you.
You are blessed with insight to discover that what you are feeling, (gloom, etc) is what you are supposed to be feeling. To not feel it, as you point out, would be to deny that you feel. Yet the question always asks: Why do I have to feel this? I believe that we are made to feel gloomy, sad, grievous, happy, joyful, etc., because that is the human way. To experience and feel life in all its variety is a gift granted to us by HP. Some feelings are more pleasant than others... but isn't that always the way we pleasure-seekers judge everything? By how much pleasure it gives us?
We don't usually stop to ask, is this feeling giving me wisdom? As you pointed out to me yesterday, we want to feel good and we want it now!
All the soul-searching that you have been doing is good for you, although I think you are too hard on yourself sometimes. Try not to take the no raise business to personally. It's not that they think you don't deserve a raise, it's how it affects them. See what I mean?
Thank God that you can accept not what you are but that you are feeling at all. I think you are a sensitive, feeling person. That's one of your most admirable qualities. God bless you.
Last night I wanted to have some of the 1/2 gallon of ice cream that was in the refrigerator, but when I learned that it was all gone, I stormed around the house telling my family members "I wanted to have some ice cream and there's none left... I didn't even have one bowl of that ice cream!!" I made a big hue and cry about the ice cream. I sounded so much like the old Jack (woe is me, boo-hoo, self-pity, slobber, slobber). I sounded so much like the old Jack that it made me laugh! I said to my wife "What a baby I am!" I was surprised and amused at my own reaction. I forgot about being slighted, cheated, and robbed of my pleasure (ice cream) and left the house to buy myself some ice cream!